Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to my blog where I plan on documenting my quarter-life crisis. If you know me at all you know how much I enjoy talking, sometimes about nothing and other times about absolutely everything. I figured what better and dramatic way to document my thoughts than to make a blog. This seems pivitol in turning my life from a Tyle3r P3rry production into the RomCom where I end up super rich and hot with a super rich and hot man who’s obsessed with me. I have no clue who if anybody will see this, but thank you for being here and enjoy the sh!t show ❤

Today I wanted to talk about how scary it is to grow. Over the last few years, I have made it my purpose to be the best me I can be. I wanted to better to my friends, family, the world at large. However, up until a few months ago I genuinely had no desire or thought to be better to myself. 2024 was the most insane year of my life, and throughout the duration of this blog you will begin to understand that that is a pretty amazing feat. I’ve spent the last few months determined to be better to me. So I started working out more consistently, put the bottle down, stopped standing on couches, stopped arguing with men that have concerningly low IQs, made out life plans (former suicidal girly so I was just winging it with no intentions of making it ngl), etc. I spent years in therapy healing from things other people had done to me but never once really reflected on all the ways I could be potentially harming myself. I had an interview recently where they asked me to tell them about myself. Of course they were referencing my professional and educational history, but it really made me think. Right now today, who tf am I? I don’t enjoy the same things that I used to, I like different clothes, my music palate is much broader, genuinely unsure of my stance on men, I turned 25 (old bitches winning) and so many other things. I realized that I once again screwed up, I did all of the more physical things to make me better and to seem like I cared more. I still was not looking in though. After all this time I still have not fallen completely in love and become obsessed with myself because I really don’t even know the new me.. WTF girly. So I have been taking little steps to figure out who this new lady is who does not desire to die. She sees the world so beautifully and is insanely hilarious and hot so I think I like her for sure and with time and insight I think I may fall super extremely deeply in love with her! So I am looking forward to that.

On another note

I think that it is kind of hilarious to see how we navigate capitalism as the world is actively falling off the bone. Entire communities are facing unprecedented levels of poverty, but we are all still planning vacations and buying extremely unnecessary things. It breaks my heart that there is this sense of helplessness. I see people make fun of animals like frogs because as long as you turn the heat up slowly they won’t realize that they are being boiled and even then, they won’t jump. I wish that I was brave enough to jump and start something important (another movie plot). On the other hand, it is still so important to find joy during the storm, fire, tornado, earthquake, hurricane, that we are currently and possibly indefinitely in. Too make a bad thing even worse none of the bad guys are hot. Things are more digestable when people are sexy! I don’t make the rules boo. I hope that for those who know me, I am a little part of that joy that keeps you going because you guys definitely are for me. In all my readings I see constantly how important it is to have community and while mine is imperfect. I think I’ll be okay unless things get super bad. If it gets too Book of Revelationsesque I will be checking out (17 year old me knows the exact vibes.) But seriously I know that I am overconsuming too much bad information but it’s so hard to look away. I sometimes wish that I was a little less intelligent and a little less compassionate and maybe even a little less empathetic. Maybe that is truly the only way to achieve true bliss. I guess that is a feeling I will never see on this side then.

Before I end this mini little sesh I wanted to share with you all a few things currently making me feel tingly and pleasant. I have been obsessed with baking. I made brown butter cookies and they were soooooooooooooo good. I felt so proud of myself. I also have been enjoying scalp scratching videos during my quiet time (touch of the tism perhaps????) And I have been enjoying music again. I went through this really odd phases where I only wanted to listen to audio books and podcast (down really bad tbh) and I wanted to share a song I liked with you guys https://open.spotify.com/track/0NeJjNlprGfZpeX2LQuN6c?si=cfada30c492c4ec9

I know at this point you are probably like Damn girly plz shut the f**k up and so I will 😦

If anybody reads this, thank you so much I love you

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