Helloooooooooo! I hope everyone is doing better than okay! This is actually my favorite thing in the world to do. I really should do it more often. I hope you enjoy ❤

Storyyyyyyyy timeeeeee

I’m going to take you back to several months of Sundays past and take you to my first day of kindergarten! Let’s give a little context. So I grew up as a military brat (s/o to big daddy gov for the trauma that came with that) and we had just moved to Baton Rouge. My step dad was applying to the jag program and was subsequently sent there. So we know absolutely nobody there. I’m having detachment issues because I was a granny baby to my core. Essentially, we all were a hot mess chile. I get dressed for school in the most colorful outfit possible. It consisted of a rainbow shirt, colorful capris (y2k diva), and glitter shoes. I vividly remember not only being extremely late for school, but my mom and step dad insisting on taking 2.5 million pictures and videos. So I walk into my classroom as vibrant and late as can be and guess what????? Everyone else was in a uniform. Maroon shirts, khaki pants, and black shoes… I was mortified because omg nobody told me anything (my parents did not read.) My sweet angel of a teacher politely told my parents that I had to be in uniform in order to stay at school so I ended up missing my first week of kindergarten. Ultimately I thrived and made friends and all of the things, but omg I felt so left out and behind for something that was totally out of my control. Yk what sometimes I still feel like I showed up in rainbow clothes while everyone else is in uniform. I feel like I always stick out a bit. Not physically, but when I speak and converse, it becomes apparent to me that something’s just don’t change. Even though I don’t have the uniform, there’s still so much space, and time for me to thrive. And at the time I felt so much embarrassment for being abnormal, but my outfit was fun, creative, and fitting. I’m still struggling with being different and quirky, but at least I’m not in uniform.

I’m being took through dere fr

I think you all know by now that life has kicked my ass!!!! And I’m ngl the last few weeks sister has done a number on little ole me! I feel like I hit rock bottom and it hit me right back! But through my own over thinking and a few emergency therapy appointments. I was reminded of the importance of healing. I’ve focused so much time and attention on just being okay. Providing my self with band aid solutions for deep wounds just to say I’m okay and not feel like I’m harboring on things. And you know what that leads to??? More and much more serious pain. A cut may hurt, but an infection may kill you. You have take time to clean that wound, rest, and protect it, or else you face consequences much more serious than discomfort. I preach giving yourself grace, taking pride in all that you do, and showing yourself kindness to everyone. I have written those words in this very blog so many times. But yet, I have been a hypocrite. Not at all living by my words. I haven’t allowed myself much time or space or grace to fix things. I always am in a rush to make myself available again. I owe it to myself to allow myself time to heal. I have to sit in my own discomfort. I also have to accept that I still should allow people to love me when I’m not my whole self. Self isolation is I think one of my biggest faults. I’m honestly so disappointed that in all of this time and through all of this work I still find so much difficulty in feeling like all versions of myself are worthy of love. But the work must continue, there is so much potential in the woman that I am and I don’t think I can even fully conceptualize the woman that I have the potential to be. I said all of that to say it’s really okay to fall down. It’s okay not to feel great. It’s okay to have an extended period of a bad time. I heard and read all the time that you can’t let a bad day turn into a bad week. And while I agree that you shouldn’t prolong things. I also think that it’s okay to sit in that a little. We’re humans, not machines. We don’t have to rush anything, the only way to have a completed version of yourself is to truly give things time, space, and protection.

Lock em up

Not really much to say here except there’s several men I really think should be in jail. The things that I have seen, heard, and been effected by deserve nothing short of a life sentence. Keep the girls and the gays lifted. We are fighting actual demons in the dating pool!

I loveeee I LOOoooOOOve I loOOVEeeee

• Vienna – Billy Joel https://music.apple.com/us/album/vienna/158617952?i=158618071 this song speaks so much to everything going on in my brain. We really do need to learn to slow down and appreciate where we are. We have our whole lives to become who we’re meant to be.
• My girls + Teej. Words really can’t express how thankful I am to have people that love me even though I struggle to accept it and constantly feel that I don’t deserve them. I’m so much to deal with, but they never make me feel that way. God gave me my angels on earth
• Cussing out men – I am truly perfecting my art! (refer to the previous section of the blog)
• Painting – one of the hobbies I have picked up during this down time. I love art so much. Even if I’m not great at it. It’s so powerful to create something!

Andddddd cut!!!

I’m sure everyone reading this is soooooooooooo tired of this long post and saying “d*m* girl shut the f**k up”. Oh well. Thank you for reading, let’s stick around for one another. Better days are ahead (how far ahead idk???) and even on bad days we still have love. I love you, make sure that you’re loving you, love your friends and your neighbors. Tooooooodlllesssssss