Hellooooooooooo, greetings from another night of me drinking caffeine wayyyy too late and letting my thoughts get the best of me. Eye have so many things on my brain today I had to check in with you all. Let’s get straight to it

I’m going through changes

I loved the show big mouth so much because it was such a fun and playful way to look at an absolutely terrifying time in life. Idc what you say puberty is so scary. Your entire anatomy changes, your brain gets rewired, you become extremely ho***, and then you get acne. While it’s a part of life that is inevitable, and you have extremely awkward talks with your parents, and watch the most out of touch videos at school. Nothing can prepare you for the total disconnect that happens. I think maybe we need more media, and conversation regarding the change that occurs while that frontal lobe is continuing to develop. I genuinely look in the mirror sometimes in pure confusion and awe. At 21 I thought I was grown, but this is super grown lady! I often am looking at myself in pure confusion because who is this old b^ tch looking back at me????? It’s not even just the optical aspect of it. My body doesn’t process alcohol the same. I neeeeeed sleep. I used to run for a week off of like three hours of sleep, energy drinks, and meaningless words from a man I thought I loved. Now if I’m not getting at least 7 hours, hell envies my wrath! I don’t even like the same food anymore. Keep the sweets not too sweet and my food needs none of the extras. It’s made me look at my predecessors so different. I’ve lived most of my life with the assumption that they have always been who they are. The reality is there are so many versions and variations of them that I never had the opportunity to meet. And then I get sad because I know there are versions of me that they may not be here to see. Life is so odd in that way. There is virtually nobody that we will ever know completely, for many people, they never even learn who they are. As my brain continuously changes and heals and breaks, I am constantly learning so much. I also recognize and appreciate that every single past version of myself has led me here (even you misses city girl phase that lasted waaaaaayyy tooo long and caused me to never trust a man) I try to capture as much as I can in writing, pictures, random purchases because I am so so excited to know me and share this new found version of me with the world. Kind of like when your boobs first start to grow and you stop wanting to wear a training bra and put on the padded bra. The world so desperately needed to see and witness my mosquito bites! Right now is very similar to that except it’s my brain. I constantly find myself sending my friends unrequested paragraphs on my feelings, how much I love them, my thoughts on the world at large. I truly think that’s why so many of them are happy that I have a blog now to yap to. Unfortunately for them, it has not at all cut down on the reading and audio material that inevitably makes its way directly to them. Sorry sisters and my dear dear brothers, ts is never going to stop.

Cut the show im done

Another day, another unfortunate event in my love life! Met something so tall, dark (for my homegirls that think I’m a colorist because I always end up with Puerto Rican princess), handsome, well spoken, well paid, and allllll of the things. Of course this is another instance of my completely ignoring corporate decorum. God forbid a girl believes love can find her anywhere!!!! Anyways, we met grabbing a snack, he messaged me on teams, we ended up sitting down to chat for a while, he messaged me on social media, I found out he was married.

I keep trying to avoid trouble but trouble keeps finding tf out of me!!! I am a God fearing woman so I couldn’t proceed with that but???????? Do I just have side chick written all over me or something???? I am extremely grateful this did not turn into anything other than awkward future interactions. I’m pissed because I did start planning our lives together. I was probably gonna post him on my IG on like day three. Ring by spring ts! Idk. However, i genuinely am exhausted (save your comments on me having a new interest every week plz!) I just think I have so much love to give. I miss being romantic. this really really sucks but #girlpower #girlbossing #dontneedaman #throwingupwithoutonethough #thinkingofjoiningacovenant.

I looOoove I lOOOooooveeee I lOoOoVe I lOove I loOoveee

1. I really have been enjoying the meals I make. I am so lucky not only to have the means to buy food, but the ability to make it delicious and fuel my body. That’s so cool!!!
2. Loooooooong walks. When I was in high school I used to go on long walks in the dead of night. (Deep in my sewercidal bag) No music, just nature because I was in the country. While it’s much too dangerous now to go do that, I appreciate moving my body, playing my little songs and just the mental stillness that a silly little walk provides.
3. Being delusional, I’m sure this has been on my list before but wow man I love ts! My brain is so powerful, almost to a fault!
4. Playing dj. Lil Aj really has been on the 1’s 2’s and 3 fos!
5. Finding my summer scent. I am going to smell like, look like, and embody paradise this summer. Can’t wait to share the combo with yall in the fall #gatekeeping until then though 💋
6. Good thing by Pretty Willie https://music.apple.com/us/album/good-thang/1669279302?i=1669279303 because I do indeed have the best conversation and look good from head to toe iktsr Willie!!!!

That’s all????

I have a proposal that I actually need to submit before the morning so my friends I must part. No worries though I’ll be back. This blog is dedicated to P who has been telling me “d*mn girl stfu” for almost 15 years. Love youuu in spite of you bullying me!! To the rest of you, I love you too, please take care, until next time….

Toooooooooooodleeesssssss