Helloooooooo!!!! My brain has been fried, dyed, and laid to the side for the last few weeks and I didn’t want to hit you guys with two back to back instances of blabber. Even though the entire premise of this blog is for me to force my thoughts upon you guys. I’m absolutely horrible at listening, even to myself *sigh*

What the HELLY??????

If you have been on social media at all within the last few months, you have probably noticed that things are getting really really really religious. I hate to use buzzwords, but the girls are reaching unprecedented depths of spiritual psychosis. Denouncing groups, affiliations, friendships, sexuality, you name it, and the girlies have said God told them that was going to lead them straight to hell. They are no longer showing skin, teeth, nor happiness! Seeing phenomena is very interesting to me because I grew up extremely religious, but honestly did not develop a relationship with God until I grew up and moved away from people with oppressive ideologies. I grew up being taught about a God of condemnation and destruction. A God who was almost ashamed of his creations and we lived in a constant state of penance. Their were so many hypococrisies within these beliefs. Like God will forgive a rapist, but not someone who is Gay. All of the women in the church had children out of wedlock, but them eventually marrying men who 9/10 were abusive to them and their children cleansed and cleared them of living in the shame of single motherhood. Men were the head of house so if the head thought that everyone deserved to have their ass kicked, asses were kicked hun and God was okay with it because that is what he intended??? I could dive really deep into a lot of my childhood trauma and many of you would probably want to call the authorities, but that is not at all the point of this entry. It makes me so sad that people are choosing to view God through this lens of repression and shame. They speak about things like depression as if they are a sin and not just a part of some of our lives. Because I had to do so much work, rid myself of so much shame and learn to navigate difficult conversations in regards to religious differences. Since having to deconstruct most of what I knew and establish my own belief system, I see things through a new lens too. I don’t view God as this all-knowing keeping tally of all of my missteps, rather I see him more so as a guide. Always looking out for me, sending warnings, and providing comfort and love because God is love. I don’t believe that I was put here to live in misery, constantly beating myself up. I constantly see the types of people referenced earlier talk about how horrible the world is, people are, and we are all going to burn. Being frank, there are some aspects of our current society that are absolute toilet water. However, there is so much beauty. I love the rain just as much as I love the sunshine these days. I appreciate every laugh, smile, broad and intimate detail that are shared with me. I do not feel shame for who I am. I know that God loves me so much simply by the people that he allows me to share. In every one of the people I call my own, there is so much light and goodness. No matter what is going on in the world, I don’t believe that God is punishing us for doing the best that we can. I could not conceptualize a God that wants me to release all of these things that bring out the light that is within me. Idk y’all maybe this is an oversight and a total misinterpretation, but I just don’t believe I am here to live in fear. I do not believe that my associating a group with the devil will bring me closer to heaven than denying basic human rights and showing human decency to all will bring me to hell. I really do not know what God everybody else is finding, but keep that far away from me. Please and thank ya!

Corporate baddie

I am the office baddie at my job. I do not play about being super sexy. I previously told you all I am on a mission. My specific industry is male dominated so being cutesy and sweet is imperative to my success and likability. In the last few weeks I have done something kind of big… I became a work wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My work husband is super sweet, and he bought us matching outfits. We also will be pickle ball partners this summer. Love him, love this for us, and he is besties with our president. Every day he is sure to compliment my outfit, ask me for advice on his outfit, and tell me that I smell good. Very quickly I am understanding why so many people are against their spouses even speaking to the opposite gender coworker. My next lover needs to call me the whole time he is at work. This has been a ball for me, but eyeopening as well because what do you mean you love this lady that you spend most of your day with???????????? I am a decent human being though so we will not be having a physical affair, I do think we’re probably like 5 weeks away from him telling me he loves me though. IDK I will keep you all updated.

Love kind of does cost a thing

So, outside of my work relationship, I have been working on my real relationship status. I was reached out to by a man that I met in the thick of being a horrible woman. I can admit I was not kind to him. (for very valid reasons, #fakef***er) In spite of his very SHORTCOMINGS, he was a nice guy so I figured I owed him a date. Y’all… I was miserable!!!! (He is making a ridiculous amount of money now though, so I was trying to see it through.) (The economy sucks right now, please do not judge me omg I hate working.) Because he knows that he is making this crazy money and he is conventionally attractive, I think he thought that I would instantly be dangerously in love with him ( and wasn’t) He seemed rather disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm when he started discussing his current career and what his finances looked like these days. He also became a little aggressive as our date progressed. He flew in for our date and assumed that I would be returning to his room with him (Can’t get no coochie out the queen!!!!!) It was super weird because he was like ” he can give me everything that I want now” and then I was like ” I can do that for myself, you could possibly add to that” and then he was like “Your clock is ticking, just remember that.” Mind you, he’s 10+ years older than me??????? I think the worst thing that can happen in the world is a lame getting some money. Knowing him just really does validate my stance on money cannot buy you a spot off the cob. Being corny is really laced into DNA. Hate that for those that are affected. Despite all of that I did get a lil trump check from him so I am maintaining communications a lil bit. It’s me you guys. You knew it was ultimately going to be some BS in here. Give me a break, I lost the loml a few weeks ago. TASHA SHOW SOME SYMPATHY

I love, I loooOOooOOOooveeeee I lOooOve I loOOve I lOoooOoove

1. Again reiterating that I love my friends so much. Their love finds me in my darkest places and I am so lucky and so thankful.
2. Paradise, omg I just finished this show and wowzersssss. Maybe I am just in love with Sterling, but whew the way his character is written is so meticulous. I love a man that’s a lil strict. I am so excited for season 2!
3. Cooking, cleaning, shuting up- once again cannot get any coochie out the queen but I have been enjoying domestic duties a lot more lately. I feel like a true grown lady. My nana is super proud of me and does not think I am a lesbian right now so thats good and something I LOOOOOVEEEE
4. Would not be a correct list if I did not include some music. Still in my booger sugar era musically. Day dreaming by Aretha Franklin has been on repeat again, passively trying to manifest a man that I will not be able to get out of my head.
5. Back to my boy Mike “You rock my world”, no notes 159894098t894/10 for the King of pop. My white king truly
6. Still on the lovey dovey train with “I’m in Love” by Evelyn “Champagne” King. I have clearly been boogey oogey oogeying all night long to the idea of love and pure white bliss. (i would’ve been doing it by the bricks back then omg”

Alrighty girl, wrap it up

Thank you again for reading my super chaotic little post. I hope you all are taking care of yourself, your neighbors, and finding joy in all things big and little. Tell your loved ones you love them, allow yourself to enjoy things and don’t harbor on your faults. I love you and all of your imperfections, I hope you grow to love them too. Enough of the mushy stuff, I know many of you non affectionate and nonafirming people are thinking “D*amn Girly shut the F**k up” and I do not want to hold you up any longer with my bable. Until next time kisses and tooooooooodleeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssss$