Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I hope you guys missed me. I honestly feel so disappointed in myself that I did not stick to being consistent. I pray that you all can forgive me. Super embarrassing to go MIA after making a declaration to be consistent. Idk I cannot relish on the past, only do better moving forward. Please cyber bully me henceforth if I am not posting on a regular basis. Unfortunately, it is necessary for me to get things done. Anyways, give me a round of applause for coming back (I really really need it so make some noise.)

Subscribe and save

I miss just buying things and having them forever. I feel like now we lack permeance in every aspect of regular day to day life. Our entire world has been reconstructed to run off of a subscription model. It’s GROSS. We are forever chained to something. There used to be a sense of excitement to buy something like software, games, even printers and know that once you bought it that it would be yours forever. Now it feels almost as if nothing is truly attainable. No matter how hard you work, how diligently we save, nothing will ever belong to us. It is a bit defeating. The loss of ownership of the product also means that it feels like you are borrowing your own creations. For example, if you are using adobe for projects, and suddenly they decide to increase the price, you either pay the new price or all of your hard work is placed behind a paywall. Even the most innocent of services have become terrible because they want you to subscribe. For example, in my earlier years Wattpad was a place to read a variety of books. Also, it fostered a community that encouraged people who may never have written to give themselves a chance. With there now being so many paywalls and subscription services related to the app it has gone downhill. We have priced so many people out of things that they should be able to have, and that breaks my heart. I think that this business model has bled into how we choose to have relationships with others as well. I feel like a lot of relationships feel like a subscription. Everyone is so ready to flee whenever you cannot pay their price. In spite of how much you may have invested in someone or something. I think that people often feel that they can just let people go the second they miss one payment. I hope that we move away from this soon. Relationships are long term investments boo.

Anywaysssssssss

Enough of my grief with late stage capitalism. Let’s talk about something important, my love life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y’all I met the sweetest, most intelligent, and aware man I have ever met in my life. I of course tried to avoid going out with him because I am hell bent on loving the worst men that this country has to offer (working on it in therapy please give me grace.) I decided to put my feelings of undeservingness to the side and go out with him and ended up having the best time. Such a great time that we went on four dates in one week! Each date was so thoughtful and filled with so many laughs and great conversation. I felt so optimistic! Notice the past tense word? So funny plot twist, he was only here for one more week. LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL. He is wrapping up his contract in another city, and then going to Europe indefinitely to find himself as the current job market does not allow him to do the kind of work that fulfills him.

Rightttttttttt. So my extremely empathetic, trust fund baby, educated king is gone in the wind chileeeee. He did offer to fly me to Europe for a few weeks this summer. So I will keep you guys posted one that, but I guess the purpose of me telling you all this was was to get some praise on dating again (i am in desperate need of reassurance rn), and encourage you guys to just do shit sometimes. Life is so short, and I think often times we overthink the long term outcomes of everything. Some moments are just meant to be enjoyed for that second and fondly remembered later. Even great artists have works that they cared very little about that are remembered as their best. Plus I just enjoy hearing people’s stories and seeing little pieces of their hearts and minds. We have not spoken very much other than the fly out offer but he has randomly text me saying he is thinking about me and that feels great. Even if we only met for a short time, the impact of me might stick with that man forever. (Not like that you freak.) I do 100000% plan on having a summer romance of some sort though. I always find love when it’s cold, I want to try something new this year, and maybe a have a different boo by my bday? Just keep me in your prayers please.

YOU IN DANGER GIRL

Based on the fact that the girlies are wearing blazers to the club and trying to pull off “Office Siren” looks while unemployed, I would say that it is relatively safe to say that we are in a recession. That along with the insane cost of food, auto, breathing, etc. I am nervousssssssss. As some of you may know, I am an HR girlypop now and I had to help facilitate a meeting telling 30+ people that they were going to get to join millions (don’t quote me on that) of Americans in being unemployed. My stomach has not stopped hurting omg as someone who really does hate seeing others sad I feel terrible still. It’s so sick and twisted that my job was to tell them they don’t have one like wtf I am way too nice for this. I cried at my desk after (still looked cute though.) This just serves as a reminder that there are so many things that are out of our control right now. Do what you can to take care of your community, and yourself. Wear colors still, create fun, be mean to men. The world is still yours even if eggs are $46. The way and standards in which many people are used to living under may change but it is imparative that we do not lose soul in this time. Keep being you and take off the damn blazers and ties please!

I LOOOooove I looOOOOOVe I loveeee I loveeee I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee

• First thing on the list this week is, documented growth. It is so empowering to watch things, and people grow. To see it in pictures, journals, or hear it in a verbal account is such a wonder. I just think it is the coolest thing ever

• Hozier, an artist I have loved in so many variations of myself. Lately I have been listening to his self titled albulm on repeat. It is such beautiful and thoughtful music. I could cry with every single listen. Go listen to The Work Song pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

• Being able to help. I love the fact that no matter what is going on in my life or with me, there is always space and time to help someone else. Even if it is doing something as small as listening, it is such a joy to bring ease to someone else.

• Noise. For the past several years, if I went anywhere in public alone you could almost guarantee I had on a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. Recently I discovered how much I do enjoy hearing the hustle and bustle of others, catching glimpses of their conversations, and just hearing that other people are there. It is proof of life, proof of existence, and reassurance that I am not alone.

• Being super hot at work. I have been working remote for the last several years. The return to office has done a number on my confidence. I fear that with enough bad bitchery and giggling I can manage to become a director in a few short months (will keep y’all posted on that too)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO I hope you kind of are not saying “Damn girl shut the f**k up” because you missed my writting so much and you are thirst for more. I did just want to take an extra few moments to say thank you again to all of my friends. You guys mean so much to me. Thank you for being the sunshine’s star, someone I can always admire and strive to be more like. I love you all so so so so much and when I become VP I’m taking everyone to the Maldives before it sinks due to climate change. I am for sure going to have to show more clevage and quickly to make this happen. Anyways, take care of yourself, and especially your neighbors. Love you guys tooooooooooooodlessssssssss