Grand rising kings and queens. That felt absolutely gross to even type out. Woke DEI jargon is not fun to use lmao. Third post is a charm, right? Since my last time writing to you all, so many great things have happened to me. Some not so great things happened as well, but that is not the point. I read that just six minutes of reading a day can lower your chances of cognitive decline. Hopefully by reading my insane train of thought, I’m saving a little piece of your brain. This is the part of my week that I am beginning to look forward to the most. Just pure unaltered, unedited, and uninterrupted chatter.

Patterns

In my intense sessions of overthinking I have become a master at pattern recognition (or at least I like to think so.) It has been a burden much more than it has been a tool. I honestly hate having alleged insight on things before they happen. Usually I can predict bad behavior or something hurtful before it happens based on a pattern. However, I have found that kindness and good things always seem so random to me. Perhaps goodness is within me and surrounds me so it is harder for me to recognize it. Maybe I have conditioned myself to only expect the worst from people or things. Perhaps I am not as good at predicting as I thought, but rather I am simply a pessimist. Honestly, anytime I have ever recognized the ending of a friendship, relationship, being cheated on, an argument, etc. I never really did anything about it lmao. I stayed to ensure that this thing happened and that I was ultimately correct ( a self-sabotaging diva.) In some instances I think that I may have egged things on or pushed for an issue that potentially was not there. Being right felt better than thinking positive. So from now on I have made it a goal of mine that every time I think of a negative outcome, I also have to imagine two positive outcomes where everything is alright. With introspection I truly believe that those negative outcomes are largely a fault of my own. Of course I cannot make anyone else do anything that they do not want to do, but sometimes people give us what they know that we want. As I talked about last time, for so long I could not accept love and kindness and did everything in my power to convince myself that it just simply could not come to me in any form. Belief and confidence hold so much power. You can change everything by believing. I am so grateful for change, as confusing and unnerving as it may be, the results are often great. As I continue to grow into a super hot, super smart, super hilarious, super woman, my heart aches constantly for the girl I once was. The beautiful thing in life though is that things end. You can constantly become someone new, someone better, someone stronger. There is no limit to how many times you can reinvent yourself. For such a long time I lived by the YOLO model, but in reflection, I have lived so many times. Each life complete with its own characters, themes, and locations. Life is still a movie but I honestly think mine is a series rather than a single film. And I adore that. I think this current adaptation is filled with a return on all the love and kindness I poured out when I thought it just could not happen to me (not romantically though, we will discuss that later)

Girl… where is the variety??????

I recently was driving around my city and noticed that there is a severe lacking of variety. Every single corner looks the same. All the architecture, business types, everything is the same. It makes me so so sad. I miss having to plan my week around having to go across town to do a specidic thing or eat at a specific place. Now it’s just the same six chains everywhere. Late stage capitalism has taken so much from us. Variety is gone, color is gone, fun concepts are fleeting. I miss when the world was more colorful and maybe a little less convenient. I hate this grayness and uniformity. Video really did kill the radio star.

New record alert

So I have started dating again, make some noiiiiiisseeeeeeeeeeeee. Now prepare to be stunned into silence. I went on a date earlier this week. I broke a new record!!! This was the shortest date I have ever been on. I literally was not there for more than 15 minutes. I was truly amazed at how horrible of a man this was. Opening up with your disdain for women and how you don’t enjoy providing???? I was honestly taken aback because do I even look like a woman that would To start spewing red pill rhetoric within minutes of a date is sick work. What happened to lying and then revealing that you’re the villain????? I politely cut him off mid sentence and said ” would you like me to send you $4 for the diet coke because I’m going home” and then I left. In addition to that he was not tall fine shit which honestly would have probably made me stay an additional five minutes. (working on being shallow guys I just really enjoy being sweet exclusively to fine shit idk) I honestly want to go back into my little hole and just never talk to a man again y’all send me on a blind date or something. I am super proud that I have become strict with my time. The old me would have entertained this for months on end just to cackle and bother someone. This girl will continue to sleep alone in her cute PJ’s!

I loveeee I loveeee I lOVE i love I love

• I love my brain. Not to toot my own horn but I think it is such an incredible thing to form new and complete thoughts. There are so many people who cannot in this day and age. I feel so lucky just to have the ability to create

• I love super corny shows! I am rewatching the office and parks and rec. I need all the lightheartedness I can get. The world is extremely dark sided!

• Sumo citrus!!!! It makes me feel like summer. Though it still has been chilly, the sunshine has been extra beautiful. I’ve been sitting on my balcony eating citrus and I feel like a 2010’s indie music video! Love that for me

• Still in my Mike Era y’all. I have been listening to The Earth Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAi3VTSdTxU         Mike was fed tf up with ignoring environmental harms, and human rights violations. I want to say he was ahead of his time, but unfortunately for us, capitalism has been contributing to the fall of man for a very long time.

• Another banger https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hegd4xNfRo  take me to your river please.  I love spiritually inclined secular music. While we experience humanity it is so refreshing to know we all have this divine connection.

• One more.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9gZe254o_s                               would not be me if I did not include a love song. One of my all time favorites. I love new love so much.

Anywaysssss

Thank you all for reading even if you are thinking Damn girl shut the f**k up. Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable and just ramble. Please give me some feedback. I really enjoy having to make my thoughts somewhat readable to others. In the meantime be sweet, give grace to everyone (especially yourself) and love your neighbor and please be extra sweet to them.

Love you always,

TOOOOODDDDDDLLEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS